LORI'S EULOGY
BY BRIAN DUTRA
When my wife Debbie asked me
to do the Eulogy, I gladly accepted, as I felt that due to my special
relationship with Lori that I would be able to do it justice. Then when I
started writing down my thoughts about what she meant to me, I felt that it
would be selfish to only talk about my relationship with her, the memories I had, and the way she touched my life. What about everybody else that
Lori touched in her all too brief life here with us? How could I capture all of
those relationships and memories as well?
She was a devoted mother to
Joey and Meagan, and they meant more to her than anything else in her life. She
was a loving daughter to Richie and Alberta and a loving sister to Debbie. She was also a loving
niece, cousin, aunt, granddaughter, wife, and friend to countless others. Yet
I’m certain that the side of Lori that each of us saw, had to be a little
different. Do we act the same around our children as we do around our friends? I’m
sure that we all act a little different around our mother than we do our
sister. So I thought, what’s the common trait that that would encompass everyone
that Lori touched? I reflected on it, and decided that Love was the key word that
I would focus on.
Why love? Because when I
thought of every time that I saw Lori she always told me that she loved me, every
time without fail. She truly loved her children, her family and friends and she
never missed a chance to tell us that when she was with us. Lori loved to love others
and she loved to be loved. We all enjoyed being with her because we really felt
she meant it when she said she loved us. Some people throw the word love around
loosely, but you never got that feeling when you were with Lori, you could tell
that she really meant it when she said it.
Then I thought while all that
love stuff is true, maybe it’s too easy to focus on that. What other trait did
she have that I could focus on? So I reflected some more and then I came up
with Laughter. Lori had an incredible sense of humor and she truly loved laughing
and having a good time with her friends and family. Lori enjoyed a good joke
and she never missed an opportunity to beg me to tell my gorilla joke when ever
we were hanging out, no matter how many times she or the others had heard it. When
we used to all go camping together on Memorial Day weekends, I tried to teach
Lori a quiet laugh to keep us from being thrown out of the campground for being
loud after quiet time had begun, but it was no use. Lori was still going to
laugh and it was going to be long and loud because she couldn’t help it. She
not only could laugh at jokes, but she could laugh at herself as well. Kerri
and Meagan would pick on her for her way out of style stretch pants with the
stirrups that she always wore, and she would laugh just as hard as everyone
else, even though the joke was on her.
As I thought more about her ability
to laugh at herself, I thought of my favorite Lori stories. I hesitated to
include them in this Eulogy as some people find pointing out a person’s flaws
to be distasteful, but the more I thought about it and talked with others, I realized
that we all have our flaws and we should not be afraid to admit to them, and
that it really was a huge part of who Lori was, and what made her unique. The
odd thing was that we could all get exasperated with Lori at one time or
another but we could never stay mad at her for long. We all came to accept her
flaws, and loved her in spite them, which is really the essence of unconditional
love. As we all know, Lori had a heart of gold, but wasn’t always the most
reliable person in the world. She had a bad problem with procrastination, she
would rather wait to do something then get it done ahead of time which led to
some of my favorite stories. My personal favorite was the time she was supposed
to bring a vegetable dip to one of Meagan’s Brownie functions, but she never
got around to making it. When she got to the function and they asked her where
the dip was, Lori told a “little white lie” that she forgot it at home. Lori
fully expected that to be the end of it, but the leader said that they really
needed it and asked to run home and get it. Lori was horrified, and that
resulted in her friend Tom making a frantic run to Shaw’s to get the
ingredients and slap together a quick veggie dip that she could bring. We can
all remember occasions where Lori was supposed to do something and didn’t.
Lori’s dog and cat ate more batches of meatballs, chicken wings or other foods
that she was supposed to bring places, that they must have been the best fed
animals in Dighton.
And speaking of animals, Lori
had such a great way with animals that we called her house “Fatal Farm” due to
the abnormally poor mortality rate of the animals that took up residence there.
And those of us who camped with her can not forget her infamous “camping feet”,
where she would walk around barefoot all weekend until her feet were coal
black. And what about Lori’s broken internal clock, where every question that
was asked to her, of how long something would take, would be answered with “it
will only take me 5 minutes” only to realize later that it was a huge
miscalculation on her part. And speaking of time, how many of us remember
waiting for Lori to show up somewhere, or to start a holiday dinner while Lori
was missing in action. No matter how long we waited or how frustrated we got,
it was always worth the wait when she finally arrived and brightened up the
room with her presence.
Then I looked at what I had
come up with, Love, Laughter, Flaws and I thought, while it may be accurate it’s
kind of dull. While it’s true that love, laughter and sense of humor really hit
the mark with Lori I still felt that I was missing something, so I re-read the
love and laughter paragraphs and then it hit me. It wasn’t love or laughter
that was the true essence of Lori, and what made her special, it was Passion.
She loved, and laughed, and lived life with a passion that is rare. When you
were with Lori you really felt the passion when she told you she loved you or
when she looked at you in the eyes, or touched you. There was an electricity
that she emitted that was unique and powerful and you could truly feel it.
When we were out having a
good time with Lori, and everyone was having fun, I would look at Lori and
realize that nobody was having as much fun or laughing as hard as she was. That
was because nothing made her happier than enjoying the company of her friends
and family and to spend memorable times with all of us.
So after coming up with
Passion, I was happy with myself because I thought that I had truly captured
what made her special. Then I asked myself, now that Lori is no longer here on
earth with us, what can we take from her time here, to help us carry her spirit
on in our lives as we move forward without her?
I found the answer in one of
my daughter Kerri’s favorite songs by Leeanne Womack “I Hope You Dance”
The song is about the choices
we make in life and there is a line in the song that says “When you get a
choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance”. Well let me tell you, Lori
never sat it out, she danced and she danced with passion.
We all get caught up in our
jobs, working long hours, or worrying about getting all of the house work done.
We think about doing something that we want to do but worry about what others
will think, so we don’t do it. We put off our vacations and quality family time
because we are too busy doing something else and we tell ourselves we’ll do it
some other time later on.
Life is short and we never
know when the Lord will take us or one of our family members home. So the next
time you get the choice, I hope you don’t sit it out, think of Lori and Dance! And
dance with a passion for life!
In closing, I would like to leave
you with this poem that was on the back of the flyer we got from the hospital
where Lori spent her final hours surrounded by her family and friends. I found
it very comforting to read this and I hope that all of you will find comfort in
these words as well:
"A butterfly lights
beside us like a sunbeam.
And for a brief moment its glory and beauty
belong to our world.
But then it flies on again,
and though we wish it could have stayed,
we feel so lucky to have seen it."
We are all lucky to have had
Lori be a part of our life and although she left us too soon, and we will miss
her terribly, we should always remember the joy she brought to us in the time
that she was here, until we see her again on the other side.
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